'Tis We Went to Medieval Times

Once upon a time there was a silly little old lady with a cane and backache. The little old lady was sitting in front of the TV on a couch munching on a piece of cake. She dropped a couple crumbs and an ant came and ate the tiniest crumb she dropped. The little old lady saw the ant and tried to smash the ant, but the ant was already out the door. The little old lady followed the ant, but the ant jumped on a carriage. The ant blew the little old lady a kiss as the carriage took off. The little old lady dashed into her garage and took out her airplane. She flew right after that carriage. When the ant looked up and saw the little old lady following him, he jumped off the carriage and ran into the woods as fast as he could.
Whoops! So sorry fellows, wrong story. I don’t know how, but somehow I accidentally pressed "paste" and this story I wrote in Fourth grade appeared. Again, I am very sorry. Let’s get the right story going, shall we?

‘Tis we went to medieval Times
(Document two)

Location: The Home Depot
Time: 7:00 A.M
Date: Thursday, April 26

A tall man with a white beard strode down the Isles of The Home Depot. He wore dark sunglasses and a brown trench coat. Behind him followed two men.
"Come on guys, I need timber and metal pipes. This way, try isle five"
"But Boss I---"
‘Don’t call me boss. For now on call me Mr. Contratto. Is that clear?"
"Yeah, sure"
"Good, now get the timber." The three men walked into the isle where the timber was stored. The two men without sunglasses picked up 7 pieces of the wood and put them onto a flat bed. While one of them pushed the flatbed, the other pushed a large shopping cart filled with shiny metal pipes. As they reached the end of the isle, the tall man signaled them to stop. As you I assume already know, this tall man.... Was Hetty.
‘Wait" Hetty stopped in the middle of the hallway as a Home Depot Employee walked over to him.
‘Hello sir, may I help you with something. Looks like you’re planning on building something grand, huh?"
"Uh, yeah, planning on building myself a tree fort for my kids"
‘But het—" Hetty kicked his partner who stopped immediately.
"Hmm, so, you’re planning on building a fort huh? You a carpenter?’
"No, I just like to build"
"Oh, ever built anything before?’
"Uhhh...sure, lot’s of stuff."
‘Hmm, well, if you have any trouble finding anything, just ask, okay?’
‘Yeah fine, but we don’t need any help. I’ve been here before, (Doesn’t Before remind you of Beef?) I know where everything is. Thanks, but no thanks" The employee walked back down the hallway and disappeared behind a pile of timber. Hetty wiped the seat from his forehead then said to his partners,
"Come on guys, through that door over there"
"But He—Mr. Contratto, that door says ‘employees only’"
‘I know what it says idiot, now go. We don’t have much time, the police are hot on my trail and’ll be here any minute now."
As the three men walked through the door, a shorter fatter man in a black suit lowered his sunglasses and glanced after them. This man, was not a man you should know, but there is something important you should know about him. The fat man...was FBI.
"Hello, this is doughnut man to Shakespeare. I repeat doughnut man to Shakespeare. Come in Shakespeare." The Fat man said into his little phone type contraption
"Shakespe--- Look, it’s not fair, why does my code name have to be Shakespeare, It doesn’t make sense."
"Of course it does, your name is Williams. Williams reminds me of William, and William was Shakespeare’s first name. Anyway, I just want you to know; I’ve found Hetty. He just left out through the back west door of Home Depot."
"See him clear as a bell doughnut man. Over and out" The fat man tucked his phone into his jacket pocket and patted his gun. It was time to bust none other than the one.... The only.... Hetty.
The sound of a truck motor filled the air. Standing in the middle of the west loading area of The Home Depot, was a White Semi truck. Along the side of it were letters that spelled out "Walrus Industries" Sitting behind the wheel of this massive vehicle, was a man we all know as Hetty.
"Move it! Get the wood into the truck and climb in! The cops are on the their way!"
"We’re hurrying Bo---Mr. Contratto"
‘Well, your not hurrying enough. Come on!" Hetty screamed as the two men climbed into the back of the truck and shut the door. He hit the gas, and the truck slowly started to drive out of the dark alley.
Meanwhile, hidden in the shadows, crouched doughnut man. He had his gun in hand. Ready to spring out in front of the truck, he lifted his gun. It was then, when he was swarmed by armed police guards.
"Freeze, Hetty!’
‘What!’ I—"
‘Quiet, you have the right to remain silent and don’t even think about eating any popcorn"
"I___" The policeman held a machine gun to the FBI agent’s throat. Helplessly, the fat man watched as the Semi truck bounced off the driveway and onto the main street. He had failed his mission.
"In my hand I hold a bag of my special super duper popping popping corn. We will compare my popping corn to other known brands of popping corn." The old man pours corn kernels into two bowls that are over a flame.
"That corn’s popping okay. But look at mine! Wow wee, it’s over the top!"
"My super duper popping popping corn cooks faster and is healthier for you than other brands of popping corn." The man puts a piece of popcorn into his mouth
"It tastes better too!’
Hmmm, you know, I just had to put that into this document. I felt it necessary to inform you of this commercial I saw on TV. I know it doesn’t make sense, but my sister insisted that I include it. I thought it was a good idea as well.

Location: Mars
Time: Same as before
Date: Also same as before

"Man, this is the life!"
"IT is Mr. Yellow Jacketed man"
‘Yeah, it’s great being boss. Wait till Hetty sees what I’ve built! Wanna know?’
"By all means Mr. Yellow Jacketed man, tell me"
"Okay, listen closely, what I’ve done is made the Planet mars livable! First, cleverly, I released thousands of tanks filled with carbon dioxide into the air. Then, using Mercurite ships, I have dug up 10 feet of the planet’s crust and replaced it with topsoil. After that had been completed, I installed heating systems as well as lakes and ponds. I let these settle, then, using slaves, planted millions of plants all over the planet. Soon, as I knew it would, Oxygen became most plentiful in the atmosphere of Mars. The planet is know suitable for humans to live in! Of course, Hetty doesn’t want humans living on the planet. He’s using he planet to produce ships of his own as well as highly advanced weapons! I, the yellow suited man, have already built hundreds of hip factories and laser factories. The planet has high defense and is completely secured by handprint checking and backup security code passwords."
"I see, and might I ask why you are doing all this for someone who doesn’t even pay you?" The yellow suited man thought a moment, then said to his servant,
"WELL, I’m not sure exactly. Now that you mention it, I don’t really need Hetty any more. It’s Perfect! With me controlling Mars and producing my own ships I will be ahead of Hetty. I will be able to crush his army and I will end up conquering Pluto. I thank you greatly servant, you have inspired me to break away from Hetty and form my own country. Anyway, we must get started. Come, I will show you how I’m going to change the Security code." The man in the yellow jacket walked over to the computer and typed in CHANGE

SECURITY CODE
OLD CODE: IT’S HETTY TIME
NEW CODE: LET’S EAT BANANAS
CONFIRM NEW CODE: LET’S EAT BANANAS

Security code changed.

"Ha, ha, I did it. Now all I need to do is take over the planet Pluto and overrule Hetty. Servant, make this announcement. I want all the slaves working triple time. I also want the space ship logo to be changed from Hetty to Yellow man. Got it?"
‘Yes sir"
‘Good, now get to work!"
You know, somewhat recently, Tim Ropp stopped by my locker and asked if he would die if he went into my brain. Well, I told him it depended on what he was allergic too and he fell onto the floor laughing in the middle of the hallway. I’d say he lied there for about 30 seconds laughing. I was almost late to lunch.
Jake pranced down the hallway to the lunchroom. When I say ‘pranced’ I mean skipped down the hallway smiling like a little girl. Yup, anyway, I his mind he was thinking,
"It’s time to go to medieval times! DANANANANANA!" Jake arrived in the lunchroom and sat down in the back left portion of the cafeteria. He sat there listening to the people on the stage. Bus numbers were called and Jake Berry/Jerry Perry exited the school heading towards bus Number 5. Or was it 4?
"Jake! Buddy, how ‘bout I sit with you. Huh?"
"Okay"
"Great, so, um, I heard you were having some trouble with a tall man. Is that true?’
"Well, I guess. See Cody, told me tat this nutty man person was after me. Then, it turned out he was after me. SO I guess you’d call that having trouble with a tall man. Why?"
"Oh, wee...err...well, it’s nothing really. I was just wondering...Would you like to make an alliance with me and build an army on the Planet Uranus? See, I’ve got this ship there that’s being watched over by a clone of Miguel and I was wondering if you’d be interested in join'in me?"
‘What?"
"Oh, wee...err...well, it’s nothing really. I was just wondering...Would you like to make an alliance with me and build an army on the Planet Uranus? See, I’ve got this ship there that’s being watched over by a clone of Miguel and I was wondering if you’d be interested in join'in me?"
"Uhhh...let me think about it," Jake said as he took out a fake beard from his pocket and put it on. He then scratched his beard. Makes sense doesn’t it? Usually people scratch their beard when they are thinking, right, well, Jake doesn’t have a beard so he brings a fake one with him. I wonder if he brings it everywhere he goes.
‘Nah, I don’t like traveling in space."


"Servant! Come see, quickly!"
"Yes sir?"
"Stop calling me sir. For now on you are going to be second in command here. You are know longer my servant and can make your own decisions. How’s that sound?"
"Swell"
‘Good, now come see. In this room, I have brought to life one of the most amazing things ever to be brought to life. Using the cloning machines and some old bones found in Europe, I have brought to life something unbelievable. Please welcome......Scipio Africanus!" The room door swung open and a medium sized man wearing brown rags walked out. He had a rather long beard and some brown hair on his head. Now, just to let you know, the following conversation has been translated from ancient Roman language to English so you can understand it.
"Where’s e water!" The servant who which will now be referred to as...Uhhh...I know... he’ll be referred to as...the cookienator! The cookienator looked at the yellow-jacketed man and whispered into his ear,
"What’s he saying?"
‘Oh, well, see, he’s thirsty. He’s looking for water." The yellow man handed Scipio a glass of water. Scipio looked at the glass then threw in onto the floor.
"Warm Ice!! Ooh, shiny pole!!"
"Boss, what’s he doing?"
"Uhhh, oh @!$%# he’s grabbing the gun."
"Ooh, pole! Shiny pole." The gun went off.
"Yeah! Tunder, tunder!" There were more gunshots in which one hit the main computer.
"Boss, we gotta stop him!"
‘No, just come on. We’ll leave him here. Let’s go before we get killed."
"Ooh, Green shiny lights coming out of tubes!! Fire!, Yeah, lot’s o fire!"

Mr. Williams drove down the highway in small, black car. It did not have flashing lights nor did it have anything different a normal car would. The only thing that made this man driving down the highway different then the man who lives next door to you, was that this man now drove right behind a white Semi-truck driven by one of the only earthlings to ever visit Pluto. Hetty.
"Mr. Contratto, Where are we going?"
"Shut up plumber, I’m Hetty again. Call me either boss or Hetty, not Mr. Contratto."
"Okay, Boss."
"Good"
"So... Uhhh...where are we going?"
"Plumber, we are right now headed towards Schaumburg."
"Where’s that."
"It is where my number two loading base of the world is located and it just so happens that it is the exact place Jake Berry will be at 11:00 AM today."
"I see, and, there’s one more thing boss. I have a question...Are you aware that, that black car behind us has been behind us ever since we left Home Depot?"

Location: Medieval Times
Time: The time the buses from Thompson arrived
Date: Same as before

"Okay guys, see over there in the back entrance. Those are the buses unloading. Purple suited man, I wan you to take control of the truck and follow the buses. With the time is right, kidnap them, clone them, and replace them. Rest of you, come with me.....We’re going to medieval times." Hetty followed by about around 4 plumbers walked through the front entrance of the building. They paid their fees, and sat down just like normal visitors.
"Let’s go guys, to the bathrooms. I’ll stand guard. Take these cloths and put them on, when you come out...you don’t know me. You’ll go to the kitchen like regular servers and serve like regular servers. However, you’ll really be looking for the boy. When you find him, you’ll report to me. I’ll take it from there. Oh...and one more thing, If anyone asks you what they should eat their food with, your reply will be, ‘with your mouth’. Is that clear?"
"Yup"
"Good. You really shouldn’t say Yup though. It sounds much to slang if you ask me." Once had this in class assignment in English. You might already know what it was but I’ll tell you anyway. It’s we had to draw a four-segment comic about something embarrassing that happened to us. Mine didn’t quite make sense tough. I drew a picture of some funny worm guy listening to the radio in a sports car. Then suddenly, I decided to draw me hiding in the lunchroom when it’s raining fries. As I said, it didn’t make much sense. It’s kind of like this document isn’t it. Just a tad bit alike.

OUT ON THE PARKING LOT

"Hello, this is Shakespeare to fish man. Shakespeare to fish man, come in fish man"
"Fish man here. What do you want?’
"Hetty’s here. I want you and Steamer to keep a close eye o the berry kid. Have your guns ready. Shall I radio home base?"
"No, We’ll deal with it. Over and out Shakespeare. You know I really hate these names." There was a man. He was poor. He found gold. The man became rich. The end
‘Yahoo! This is great; we get chicken and soup. We even get potatoes. The best thing is though; we don’t have to use any lousy silverware. I wish I could eat like this all the time. The only thing this meal needs, Is some Barney music in the background!" Screamed Jake as he walked down the hall. He had just come back from the bathroom.
"You like Barney" Said a kid standing by the wall.
"No"
"Then why do you want to listen to Barney?"
"I don’t. I didn’t say Barney, I said...." Jake paused then said, "I said Daffodil!"
"You want to listen to daffodil music?"
"Yeah, sure, Why not? Hey, that reminds me, why’re you wearing sunglasses and a pie hat on your head?"
"Cause I want to! Got a problem with that?"
"No.... wanna check my math homework?" Jake pulled out some pieces of loose leaf with writing on it from his pocket. The boy took the paper and looked them over. HE then looked at Jake and said,
‘Sorry Jake, this is all wrong."
"How do you know my name? And how come it’s wrong"
"Uhhh, well, it’s wrong because you wrote on every problem that two plus two equaled 4 and that’s wrong. IT equals fish;the boy looked around, then ran off. All that was left o him were some very tiny wienie pieces of yellowish hair. I wonder why his hair is falling out. Oh, and if your looking for a good book to read, don’t, and I mean don’t read The Book Thieves. IT seriously doesn’t make sense. In the beginning, this one death guy is talking about how he loves to take people souls, then, these Jewish fist fighter flying from nowhere. (I think Death said he was planning to take their soul or something) Anyway, that isn’t the en yet, after that happens, a bunch of Nazi carrying swastikas come by and start running around. I stopped reading right after this one girl and boy suddenly start to have a race down this street. I’m telling you, it didn’t make much sense.
"Hetty, I found the boy!"
"Shhh, quiet fool. Now, you say you found the Jake huh?"
"Yep"
"Hmm, okay. This is what you do," Hetty took out a small bottle form under his coat, "Take this liquid here and put some into his drink. It shouldn’t be too hard because you are of course, a server."
"Cool! Is it poison?"
"No idiot. If it was poison, he would die. It’s something that’s for me to know and for you to find out. So skidadle and get the stuff in his drink. Be discreet about it though. Se those men over there," Hetty motioned towards one of the doorways leading into the arena place, "They’re FBI. Looking for me no doubt."

Location: McDonalds
Time: Unknown
Date: Same as before

"Well, that sure was a long drive!
"Yeah, Ron. It was great. Now we just get to sit around for a couple of hours and rest!"
"Dude, that’s sweet!" Bus driver for buses number 5 walked to the counter and ordered three large fries and 2 big Macs.
"How much will that be?"
"Oh, how much, I’ll tell you, Nothin!" The McDonalds worker person took out a gun and locked the bus driver in the back of white Semi truck. This action was repeated about...let me think...about 7 times not counting the one I just described for you. If I’m correct, that’s al the bus drivers traveling to medieval times except one. Once inside the truck, they were put into a clone machine and cloned. The clone was then grown to adult size and given the memories of a plumber. The new cloned drivers were then put back into McDonalds and onto their buses. Oh, and one more thing, the one driver that wasn’t just cloned was the driver for bus # 2. She was already working for Hetty so she didn’t need to be cloned. Okay, now I forgot to suggest a book to you. Before I asked if you were looking for a book and I told you not to read the book Thief, well now I’ve got a perfect book that you should read. You should read House of the Scorpion. It’s about hits crazy old guy who clones himself over and over again then steals his clones’ organs to use for himself. He also owns some big plantation run by robotic humans. (Humans with robotic brains) Its’ a good book.
"Yeah! That was best show I’ve ever seen. Too bad we cant come and eat here everyday. I still say they should have some Bar---Daffodil music it the background, but it was god anyhow. He, He, well, before we go home I strangely feel the need to jump into a fish tank and blow bubbles against the glass."
"What?""It’s true. I’m going to have to find something that’s like a fish tank but’s not a fish tank." Jake though a while, then finished his thought/quote thing,
"I've got it! I’ll blow bubbles against the side of a toilet!" As Jake walked through the bathroom door of medieval times, Hetty stood I the corner of the main room where the gift shop was located. He watched Jake, then signaled for one of his men to follow. While in the bathroom, Jake Berry was tied up and gagged. A replacement clone took his place and the real Jake was taken out through the window.
"Hey Hetty, How are you doing. Notice I didn’t say How yu do’in."
"What!? How do you know my name and who are you?" Hetty turned around and looked slightly downward. He was tall, so a 7th grader was very short compared to him.
"Miguel!? I’ve been looking for you. How ya do’in. You are going to be so sorry that you ran away once we get back to my sh—-- Whoa! Wait a minute Miguel what are you---Ouch!! Miguel!" Miguel swung a small wooden sword towards Hetty’s head. Of course, any supervisor watching would have thought the two were simply playing. Anyway, Hetty, being as smart as he is, backed up towards the gift shop counter.
"Hello, I’d like to by a wooden sword and shield please. Here’s 50 bucks. That should be enough." The person behind the counter handed the tall man what he asked for.
"Thanks"
"Hetty! You backing off? Are you scared of me? Are you scared of just a cone maker...err...clone maker"
‘Well, I could be, but...I’m not!" Hmm, let’s see. There are two people in the middle of a gift shop room...they have wooden swords and shields.... They both hate each other...I wonder what the results will be? There could be a bombing or a gunfight, but I highly doubt that.
"On guard Miguel. Oh I forgot to ask what are we fighting for. I’ve got 100 dollars in my pocket, wanna bet?"
"Nah, I don’t have much money with me. Tell you what, if I win you have to eat a pile of worms."
"And if I win, you, Miguel, are forced to be my personal slave and spy. Deal?"
"Uhhh, Sure"
"Great" Hetty threw his sword onto the ground and took out a sledgehammer. On the handle there were some words that read, This sledgehammer has been made by Safi incorporated. Made in China. Just goes to show that Osman Safi has sledgehammer factories in China. I wonder if he has an underground train underneath the tigers den like Jake says he odes. Probably not, Jake also says he likes eating Japanese Sushi in China. Anyway, Hetty takes the sledgehammer and knocks Miguel out. Miguel is then loaded onto a white semi truck waiting in the parking lot along with Jake. Oh, and did I tell you? I have reason to believe that there is yet another alien in alliance with Hetty. See, I was playing this computer game once, and, on it, there are these little alien ships that you have to shoot. Well, If you don’t shoot them, they shoot you. You know what they use to shoot? They use little plungers fired at hi speed. Isn’t it a coincidence, that Hetty’s army is made up of plumbers and these ships shoot plungers?
"Hey! Hey Steamer!"
"What? Oh, hi fisher man, what’s up?"
"I’ve got news, you know the Berry kid? Well, he just went to the bathroom. When he came out, his brain looked roboticish!" (Is roboticish even a word?)
"Oh well, I guess we failed. Wanna get a burger when we get back to Oswego?"
"Sure!" The two FBI agents walked off in opposite directions and boarded the buses.
"So, Uhhh...Hetty...What are we gonna do with these bus drivers?"
"Hmm, I don’t know, I guess we could clone them and make them part of our Army."
"Okay, want us to get started?"
"Yeah, better start now. We better start heading for Mars. It’s a long drive to Maryland."

SOME BACKGROUND INFO.
The yellow-jacketed man has successfully changed the password for all the ships owned by Hetty. Check that, all the Mercurite ships owned by Hetty. If your wondering how Connor got form Uranus (Ur A nus) well, he took a purple flying space pollywog thing form his ship and traveled down back to earth. He’d have to have returned anyway because, unfortunately, he does not own any clones of himself to go to school for him. Something else you should know is that there is reason to believe that my student teacher for English is the queen of a huge organization distributing candy throughout the galaxy. The reason for this suspicion is that she has a stash of candy hidden in brown boxes in the back of the English room. Tim Ropp king of the Prisms seeking to expand his territory from Prism land, sat in the Yellow section. Sean Graham also sat in the Yellow section in the same row. Did you know Tom Jennings ate a whole Chicken there? Anyway, Hetty ended up kidnapping the bus drivers, Miguel, Cody, and Jake berry all at Medieval times. Isn’t that just grand? Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the liquid put into Jake’s drink was to give hi the urge to ump in a fish tank. Hetty, using his brains, predicted he would jump in the toilet instead.

CODE FBI NAMES:
Mr. Cole – Steamer: Cole is like Coal and steamers burn coal
Mr. Williams – Shakespeare: Williams is like William and Shakespeare’s first name is William
Mr. Booras – fish man: Likes to fish for giant fish
Some FBI guy you don’t know – doughnut man: Likes doughnuts. (Typical)

WORKERS FOR HETTY
Mr. Petersone

P.S. On the way to Medieval times, I, Nicholas Makara (The writer of this Document) rode on bus number one. While aboard this bus, I overheard the bus asking one of the chaperone/teachers if Mr. Petersone was going on the trip. They told that he wasn’t and that he was an eighth grade teacher. This proves that Mr. Petersone was working for Hetty for the bus driver was one of Hetty’s plumbers.

P.S.S. Ms. Cook told us in homeroom before the trip that she had to bring her purse to Medieval times just in case the Bus got Hijacked and she needed to pay ransom to free us. Isn’t that weird, she brings up the idea that the bus will get hijacked and it just so happens the bus drivers all get kidnapped and cloned.

P.S.S.S. I don’t like Brussel sprouts