The Drunk Viking

The following story has taken place in the Middle ages just before the Norman Conquest time. The location is Greenland (D’you know that Greenland actually ahs more ice on it that Iceland, and Iceland is more green than Greenland.) , land of the Vikings.

"When we starting the expedition?"
"Eh, We plann’in on staring this afternoon. We’ll take a rest stop and Newfoundland and reload supplies. From there we’ll take the dog sleds heading out west. If we’re lucky we’ll reach the other side of the landmass in a couple days. However, the land might be bigger than we think. according to our map experts, it’s likely it’s just a large island. But, they say their is the possibility that it’s an entire new continent. It may take us years. Start packing, we might never see this place again."
A couple of days Later, the Vikings boarded their Viking boat and set forth towards Newfoundland. They arrived there in a week or so, then loaded up large carts pulled by oxen and mules. The Vikings ate meat and potatoes (Not Iron Potatoes. Normal Potatoes. They were grown in Greenland.) during the trip. I am going to share with you a scene from their Journey.
"Where’s the skunk meat, Joe!?""Skunk meat? What skunk Meat?"
"You know what skunk meat. The meat that I caught this morning, Remember?""I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"You ate it!!" The Viking took out a machete and murdered the other Viking.
This type of event went continuously along the trip. Over various reasons of course, who drank whose water, who ate whose food, who sat on whose toilet seat, and who kissed whose wife. You get the picture. Anyway, they hiked all t way across what is now Canada, then crossed the border down into the U.S. They ended their Journey in present day California.... Along the San Andreas Fault.
"We’ve finally reached our Destination fellow Vikings. I’ve got word from our scout that there’s ocean about 50 miles or so west of here. I can conclude however, that this landmass is not an island, but a continent. We will be able to build large settlements in Newfoundland and eventually expand into this territory. that wonderful?" There was silent. Then someone in the crowd farted. There was a series of giggles then laughs.
"Come on guys. You should be whooping with Joy. You people are turning into a bunch of unruly children. Look what a couple of years has done to ya! I’ll tell ya, God will punish you! Stealing form each other, killing each other, pulling pranks on each other, pooping on each other. It’s plain ridiculous." As the head chief said this, the ground began to shake. A loud rumbling sound filled the air. The ground began to shake and tremble and trees crashed down on both sides of the crowd of Vikings.
"O my gosh! I told you people, we are being punished. Say good by to the world people!" Hollered the head Viking, but nobody could hear him above the sound of the breaking earth. The floor beneath them opened up, and alas, the entire party of Greenland Vikings was buried alive.
The Vikings, fortunately were not covered in dirt. They landed in an air pocket deep within the ground. Together, they built new inventions, such as an oxygen making machine, and a super cloning device. They also found ways to shrink and enlarge things. Slowly and slowly, however, food began to run out. The roots that were once plentiful in the soil now grew scarce. People were lucky to get a drop of water. Eventually, the Vikings dug a well system so water became no problem. But unfortunately, the food shortage continued to grow. If a person happened to find so much as a speck of root in the soil, it was considered a miracle. As the Vikings pondered on what to do, one older Viking came up with an idea.
"We must eat each other!! One person will be at least 5 months supply of food and it will be one less mouth to feed. Besides, there’s tons of us down here!!"
"Eat each other? You meant become cannibals? That’s insane! Insane I tell you!"
"Insanity? Blah, who cares? It isn’t like there are any asylums available down here. I say we feast! Who’s with me?" A group of Vikings began to walk towards the man who suggested cannibalism. Sadly, these Vikings just happened to be the strongest and most healthy humans in the bunch. As the Vikings met and discuss the matter, the decision soon became a decision decided on whoever could win the most fights. The cannibalism won.
As time went by, the group of Vikings grew less and less. As earthquakes continued to happen, the group was moved deeper into the earth, and farther south towards present day Mexico. The group came to a stop approx. somewhere around the Santa Cruz mine. Anyway, they ate each other until only one person was left. This one person enlarged a centipede he found in the dirt once, and sent the centipede to get food/water for him every day. Life was better that way. They two stayed buried underground until the very day that Hetty dug down deep with his digger and found them. It’s too bad the Viking didn’t get the chance to see the sun one more time. As you know.... He was eaten by the Centipede shortly after he was found.
Before (Ewe, I accidentally spelled before wrong at first. When I used spell check it suggested that I meant ‘beefier’) I end this document, I have two questions for you. The first one is...Do you look at other people’s card sets while playing Uno or crazy eights? The second question is...During a race, do you purposely fall behind, then signal to a stranger riding a motor cycle to give you a ride to the finish line? IF the answer to these to questions is yes, then I can predict that you enjoy eating pumpkins. I can also predict that you do not mind riding on motorcycles.

P.S. This Document has been written by Nicholas Makara. I highly suggest that you do not get drunk on Ethanol if you are under the age of 21.