Interview with Hetty

"We’re here at Cambridge Maryland right outside Hetty’s not so secret base. Let’s hope he let’s us in for an interview." Reporter puts down microphone.
"Hetty! We’re from NAM News. We want to know if you’ll have an interview with us!!"
"What! What are you people doing here! Get off my property or I’ll ahve you people shot down by my men!"
"But HE---"
"How do you know me! Get out of here!’
‘Sir, I insist, it’s important we get your interview!"
"Fine, Fine, just stop bugging me. I’ll be down with you in a second" Hetty, upstairs in a metal outlined room put on a new suit and walked downstairs to met the reporters. Stupid people, didn’t they see he had business to take care of.
"Sir, I’m so glad you could come down to speak with us. Now, to start the interview, What is your favorite food?"
"Don’t have one"
"How about your favorite color?""NONE""Are there any hobbies you like to do during your free time?"
"Don’t have any free time."
"I see, okay, is there anything you’d like to show or tell us about?"
"Errrrrr..."
‘You must have something to say to your fans."
"Well, maybe one thing. I’ll show you how to rob the president’s underwear drawer."
‘Well, I really don’t think that’s rather appropriate...but...considering the circumstances...I guess we’ll let you do it."
"Great, now get packed up and follow my jeep as we head down the highway. It’s a long way to the white house."


"Okay Hetty, what are you planning on doing now. You’ve got men surrounding Washington D.C. and you’ve got your plan thought out. What’s your next move master?"
"You know I’d appreciate it if you didn’t keep asking me questions and bugging me al the time. I need to think and concentrate, not satisfy some stupid idiotic reporter all day long by answering her questions."
"Sorry, I’ll try not to do it again."
"Good, now the plan is two first contact the presidents butler through the FBI headquarters and get his to tell us what times the president will be away from his room and the room will be left empty. This shouldn’t be hard because it jus so happens the presidents butler is a friend of mine. I have one of my men at the FBI base now, he has probably already contacted the butler, all we do now is wait for a response.
‘Butler, get me some warm milk, will you."
"Yes sir." The man, dressed in a suit by the way, walked down the hallway through the white house to get the president a glass of milk. That was when there was a beep from his mini communication phone wrapped around his wrist hidden from view. He lifted his arm to his mouth and began to speak into the small phone.
"Yes?"
"Tom! It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you. Remember me? Probably not...I’m one of Hetty’s assistants. We’re planning a robbery of the white house. To show your loyalty to Hetty we’ve decided to include you in the plan. What you must do, is place the mini transporter inside bathroom that is closest to the president’s room. Wait for us in the bathroom. Got IT?" There was silence, then the butler answered,
"Yes"
"Good, we’re expecting you to do what we asked you to. However, If you decide to abandon us... Well, it’ll just be the last one you'll ever do. Bye." The butler looked straight ahead, then grabbed the glass of milk, and began to return to the president.


"Ring, Ring!!"
"I can hear the ring in the air. Hetty, do you think this call could be from your buddy telling you that everything a-okay and that you can continue with phase two of your secret plan of robbing the president’s underwear!?!?!?!?!""Yes, it’s possible. It could also be Pizza Cucina trying to sell me a bowl of noodles, but hey, it could be my pal." Hetty walked over to the desk that stood next to him and picked up the phone.
"Hello, This is pizza Cucina calling to offer you a free noodle meal every time you buy a large pizza. To redeem this offer, call us." Hetty smiled, then hung up. The phone rang again.
"Hello. This is Hetty headquarters, who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi, this is Rob. I contacted the presidents butler, told hi what you told me to say. As far as I’m concerned, I think the deal’s on."
‘Great!!!" Hetty hung up the phone and turned to look at the reporter.
"Was that your buddy!! Is it time to continue the plan!!""Yes, is was. Everything’s fine and it’s time to continue. You’d better get your camera men to get walking ‘cause we’re heading to the computer room!" As Hetty sat down in front of computer, he began to type in words.

Access Code: It’s Hetty Time
Show Transportation Modules

Waiting for satellite Signal...
Analyzing Data...

A Map of the U.S. appeared with several read dots scattered around the country. Hetty double clicked on one of them located just between Maryland and Virginia. (In The District of Columbia to be exact)

Would you like to:

Transport something from the Module to this base
Transport a object to the Module
Transport a Human to the Module
Send a message to the Module

Hetty paused for a moment, then clicked: Transport a human to the module.

You Have chosen: Transport a human to the Module.

Please stay within the transportation Cylinder box while the Computer waits for the Certification signal from the module. It is vital that somebody is there to overlook the transportation to make sure the Transportation Module is in a place where there is enough room for you to be transported. If the module is, for instance, inside a small metal safe, then you would be transported into the that safe and would be squashed. We are sorry for any inconveniences.

"Now what Hetty? What do we do? Huh, huh?"
"Now, we wait. I have sent the transportation message tot he module. It will Vibrate and the butler will place it in the bathroom plus certify the command. We have to be ready when he does this."
"Ready? Hetty, explain to your fans what, ‘ready’ means." The Reporter said holding the microphone to Hetty’s mouth"
"It means we have to all get into the cylinder over there!!" Hetty pointed to a small 5 foot high transporter cylinder that stood in the left corner of the room. On the door was a sign that read:

Caution:
Do not enter if you are naked or have claustrophobia. This is not a bathroom, urinating in this device will cause damage to the system and/or potential electric shock. Please proceed into this device with caution. Manufacturer is not responsible for any injuries caused by this product. Thank you.

Anyway, I’d approximate the diameter of the cylinder to be about…6 feet. Imagine having three men, a reporter, and 3 camera men al fit in a space that small. You’d be squished.

The White House

"Thank you for that warm milk, butler."
"No problem Mr. President." Suddenly, the butler felt a vibration from inside his pocket. The transporter was awaiting certification.
"Err…Mr. President. Do you think I might be able to take a potty break. I kind of have Diarrhea."
‘Oh, know problem. Go ahead butler, I get it all the time. Constipation too. Must be those oysters I always eat."
‘Thanks." The butler left the president in his room and walked down the hallway into the bathroom. There, he carefully pulled out the small piece of machinery and placed in on the toilet seat. The butler then whispered,
"Transportation Certified." There was a buzzing sound, then the gadget started to speak.
"The Transportation has been Certified. Transporting humans now." A flash of light filled the bathroom, and in a matter of seconds, Hetty stood inside the Whitehorse along with two plumbers, a reporter, and some camera men.

"Great job, buddy. You got us here just as planned. Now, plumbers, grab him."
"What? Hetty you can’t just----"
"Oh but contraire. I can do anything I want. After my two plumbers here tie you up I shall switch cloths with you and will pretend to be you. I will be given a copy of your mind to be put into my mind so I’ll know everything I’m supposed to know."
‘Hetty! That’s absurd!"
"Well, actually it’s not. It is vital for my plan to succeed. Anyway, I must be going. The president’s probably waiting," said Hetty as he straightened his new butler tie. The tall man opened the bathroom door and began to proceed down the hallway back towards the president.
This reminds me of something. See, usually people who wear ties are shown eating bacon and eggs on TV. Well, one day while I was on vacation with my sister, my mom asked what she had for breakfast down at the buffet. (My mom decided not to go. She was to sleepy and the buffet ended and ten o’clock)
Anyway, to this question my sister answered,
"I had a plate of Grapes and Bacon." I saw her plate. It was literally filled to the top with strips of bacon and purple grapes. It was rather disgusting.

‘Okay, this reporter Anne Wilkes filming an inclusive Interview/movie with Hetty. Right now, Hetty is posing as the presidents butler when the real butler is here in this bathroom tied up. Butler, is there anything you want to say?"
"Mmmmmmmmm""I see. Anyway, we have a robotic spider cam following Hetty around right now filming him. We can talk to him through a radio device and he can answer us telepathically. Hetty, is there anything you want to say?"
"Yes reporter. I’ve made a decision. I quit this stunt. I mean, why go around searching for the presidents underwear if I already have a pair of his underwear in my pocket?"
‘You do? Where did you get it?"
‘Me? OH I traveled back in time with me time machine and got it when he wasn’t president yet and his house was unprotected by fancy security cameras."
‘Did you say you ‘traveled back in time’?"
"Yup"
"With what?"
‘Well, A time machine of course. I’ll show you, let’s travel back in time."
Tim Travel taking affect
"See, Right now we’re traveling aback in time, I---," Hetty paused, "You know what. We have to go back to the present time now."
‘But why Hetty? What’s wrong?""If we go back in time to far, we’ll go back in time to a different story where I don’t have a time----"

After School On Monday

"NOOOO!! This is my interview with only me!! NOT Jake! NOT Cody!! Not Amish people!!------"

the Seventh

Cody Walsh was sitting on the couch on Saturday with nothing to do. A reporter, some camera men, and a bearded man stood in his living room. Today is the weirdest day ever, he thought. It was Saturday, that was usually the most exciting day of the week because there was no school and there was not going to be school the next day either. Today however, there was absolutely nothing he thought would be fun or interesting to do. Suddenly, the phone rang. He picked it up.
"Hello? Who is this? This better not be a bearded man!!" He asked boredly.
"err…Hi, Cody! My little nephew! It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you! Long time no see!"
"I’m sorry, Uhhh I’m not sure who this is? Could you please state your name?’
"Why! Cody, don’t you remember your old uncle Hetty!"
"Are you in my living room…errr…Uncle Hetty? I’m sorry I think you’ve got the wrong number or something. I don’t have an uncle Hetty. My name’s Cody Walsh, he, he"
"I know it is! I’m your uncle. The reason you don’t know me is because I’m you’re long lost uncle. Why, you’ve never even seen me!"
"Just shut-up, I don’t know you!" Cody hung up the phone angrily. Who was this uncle Hetty? This guy was probably some nutty nut guy. Figures, he probably was hallucinating from boredom. It would make sense because there were a bunch of reporters and a bearded man talking in his living room. He went back to the couch and sat back down. Suddenly, the phone starts ringing again.
"Hi, Cody! My little nephew! It’s been a long time since-----" Cody

"Hey, that was me on the phone. Does my voice really sound that squeaky. Wow, Cody’s hair sure has turned grayer that when I first met him. I wonder if he’s turned Gayer too? Hmmm," Hetty said beginning to scratch his beard.
"Hetty. Do you mind not thinking out loud. You’re still on live TV. What do we do next?"
"You can do whatever you want. Me, I’m going to Taco Bell to get myself an enchilada!!"
"Hetty!! You can’t just leave us."
‘Sure I can. Bye." Hetty walked away form the camera and down the road of the street.
"Hetty, what about stopping the time travel-----"

"Here we are! You guys can go around and explore but please don’t hurt any of the crops, the Amish need them to survive. Did you know that in Minnesota somebody that lived in a regular town went to a distant country and got polio germs on him? He didn’t catch because he had been vaccined, but when he traveled back to his hometown, he spread the germs to an Amish village and since the Amish people don’t get vaccines because they don’t believe in new stuff, a bunch of them caught it." Hetty said
"No, uncle Hetty. I didn’t know that. I have no idea why I would know that," said Jake, "Oh, and why is there a man who looks exactly like you over there?" Hetty ignored him. Cody and Jake started by walking down a path through the cornfields. They saw little houses that looked like they were from the 1800’s or something. The trees were really big and every where they looked there were leaves. The roads were made of dirt and you could see some hoof marks in the soil. People’s yards were pretty much made of dirt and weeds. There was no nice green grass or anything. Deer and rabbits were everywhere; they even saw an opossum house with baby opossums in it. It was weird, as if they had just stepped back in time. Cody Explained to Jake why he had yelled into the phone Saturday morning and told him all about the Uncle Hetty guy.
"You know on Saturday morning I yelled into the and told you about that Hetty guy?’
"Ya, you said you were going to tell me. You said he said he was your uncle or something. You also said there was a reporter in your living room"

"Oh my gosh!! What are we doing on an Amish farm? And why are there two Hetty’s. See how one Hetty is dressed old fashioned and the other is running over to Taco Bell to get tac---------"

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"Now this is really getting weird. Hetty doesn’t even exist anymore. Yeah, well, there must be a reset time button on this machine somewhere. Ah, here it is." The reporter bent down and clicked the blue ‘back to present time’ button on the machine. There was a flash and she and the camera appeared back in the president’s bathroom. She packed here things, then used the transporter to transport her and her camera man back to Hetty’s headquarters and back to her house. Her shift was done for the day
As for Hetty, He had to gas the white house and cut the power form the entire country in order to escape the building undetected. Nobody remembers anything about the power outage or the gassing. He used special Mercurite technology to wipe everybody’s memory. However, the reporter still had her interview document.

P.S. This document has been written by Nicholas Makara. Is this story a bit confusing?