Jerry Perry

"Okay, we’re here back in time at the Alaskan forests. The date is July 9, 1996, let’s hope we get a good interview with Jake." There is the sound of shuffling papers.
"So, Jake, how is it living out here in the wild? DO you like it, and do you think it’s better than living in the city?"
"Balooga!"
"Excuse me? I didn’t quite catch that, did you say...Balogna?"
"Gimme food!"
"Ahhh, you want food... Hey you! Back there in the truck, get this kid some food! ...So, Jake, is there anything else you want?"
"Gimme Money!"
"Money? Do like money?"
"Gimme now!""Oh, I see you’re very used to getting what you want, here’s a ten dollar bill," The reporter handed the small Jake a green piece of money.
"Yeah!!""Great! You’re happy now. Now that that’s settled, how about telling us a little about your family. I understand you live with bears. IS that true?"
"Yes! Me live with the bears, and eat with them, and sleep with them! They really nice. Me learned how to fish and how to growl, and all sorts of things. Isn’t that great!!"
"Yes, it is wonderful, now Jake, what is your favorite food?"
"Food....Uhhh.... Either Salmon or Escargot. They’re both equal!"
‘Really? Okay, Jake, why don’t you get into the plane now so we can return you with your real family. You’ll be able to get your real name back...Jerry."
"No! I’m staying with my friends here! You can’t make me leave, if you do, I’ll blow your house up!! WAAAAAAAAAA!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!""
"Jake wait, I----" The reporter’s voice trailed off as Jake ran back into the tall thick forest of Alaska.


Translator: ON

"There you go Jakey. Do you want another piece of Salmon?"
"Gimme!""There you go, honey." The mother bear said pushing another chunk of raw fish into Jake’s mouth. Jus then, a larger bear, probably a male, walked through the entrance of the cave they were in.
"What’s up. How you doing Jakey?""Waaaa! A bunch of humans tried to steal me! They wanted to feed e potato chips!" The larger bear turned towards the mama bear.
"Is this true?"
"I’m afraid so, Tom. I transformed myself into a gorilla and watched the whole scene from the trees. Do you think it was a good idea, I was thinking about transforming into a giraffe and watching from way up high, but I decided gorilla would be best."
"Yes, that’s defiantly the way to go. Anyway, these people. Did they look fiercome?"
"No, but I think they might decide to bring some of those fire sticks to get the boy back. Do you think we should just return him?"
"NO!! He’s our favorite adopted son. He’s the first one we’ve decided not to eat. We must protect him! I’ll travel across the hills and get my dad, uncle, and seventy-three brothers to help. We’ll invade the human’s camp and drive them away from Alaska."
"Do whatever you like, I’ve got to finish my super duper poop sculpture. I’ve been saving my poop for ages waiting to have enough to build my fantastic sculpture. It’s going to be a statue of a Lama."


Just to let you know, the location right now is...Anchorage Alaska.

"Well! Did you get our little Jerry away from those disgusting bears! Is on the helicopter still? Let me see him, it’s been years since I’ve seen my little Jerry. Please let me see him, now!" screamed Mrs. Perry (You might know her as Mrs. Berry, I’ll call her that from now on) in a high shrilled voice. The reporter (her name was Suzan Ruthann) looked at Mrs. Berry and MR. Perry an said,
"No. Her refused to come. He said that it was better with them and he preferred to eat salmon rather than potato chips."
"What!!!!!!"
‘He didn’t come"
"Now you listen here, Reporter. I want my son back in one week. Get back that helicopter and me back into the forest. I’ll hunt those bears ad carry my son back to Chicago by force!!!" Jake’s dad pulled a shotgun from under his coat and swung it over his shoulder. The reporter just stared at him.
"Well? Come on!" The two people jumped aboard the helicopter and began to fly back in the direction of the Alaskan forest. Little did they know, that at the very spot that Jake Berry lied, a group of 10 bears or so huddled together plotting an attack. Stacked up in front of them...was a pile of laser guns. Highly advanced laser guns.
The bears pulled chairs out from a cave and sat down in a circle. They exchanged battle pan ideas with each other and ate salmon kabobs. Then, once the platter of fish had been emptied, they each grabbed a gun and set forth towards the human camp.


"Here’s the plan, Mr. Perry, I want you to hike around and find the bears’ cave. Once you have found it, travel back here and tell us. Do not go in to take your child, the bears would be likely to be there protecting Jerry. Take a gun in case there’s trouble, and do watch yourself. We don’t want any deaths."
‘Got it Sam. I’ll be going now." Mr. Perry grabbed a rifle from the shed and set forth into the bushes." Suddenly, Mrs. Perry Fainted. Maybe she drank to much wine.
"Mrs. Perry! Hello? Boss, wake up, ‘tis no time to sleep." Mrs. Perry made no move to wake up.
"Aye! What the heck, forget these people!" Sam left Mrs. Perry on the floor and walked back into the white trailer sitting in the clearing. He was pinned to the floor the moment he walked in.
‘Oh my gosh. Bears." Sam lay on the floor still. A large grizzly bear stood on two legs above him, snarling. The bear lifted his paw, then swung it down onto the ranger’s head. The powerful force of the blow killed him instantly.
"We got one boys. One down, 5 to go." (The five are Mr. Perry, Mrs. Perry, the reporter, and two assistant rangers)
Other side of camp
"Want another beer Dunkin?" A forest ranger by the name of William said to his drunken buddy. The two men sat inside a red trailer on the other side of a small wooded area from the white trailer.
"Nah, I-Hic- think I’ve had enough-Hic- for today. Let’s get to the base trailer. Sam’s-Hic- probably expectin’ us."
‘You’re probably right," The sound of growling bears filled the air, "But, he’ll probably understand if we’re late. Besides, um, well there’s wild anima out there. Sam won’t want us to put ourselves in danger by running through the forest, to the other trailer. By golly, it’s at least 40 feet away. We could be eaten."
‘What? You -Hic- scared? I could get there and back -Hic- easily with my eyes closed."
"Oh really? Then do it!"
‘I –Hic- will!" The drunken man grabbed a gun and headed out the door. There was a huge roar.
"Dunkin!! Are you all right!" William paused for an answer, "Dunkin?" There was silence. ‘Ah man Dunkin, why do ya always have to get into trouble!" The man grabbed a riffle and headed out the door after his friend.
"Dunkin! Where are y----"
"Shut up idiot. Look over there. Grizzly bears." The drunken man beckoned towards a bush where about 6 bears huddled closely together.
‘What do we do?"" Be-Hic-quiet. Keep your gun ready, let’s –Hic- head for the trailer." The two men slowly crept through the trees towards the white trailer. As the small vehicle came into clearer view, the men began to walk faster and more hastily towards the trailer. A bit too hastily.
The 6 bears in the bush sat quietly. They had been given directions from the chief stay put until some humans came by. Then, they were to attack the humans and eat them. Now, the bears were listening for footsteps.
"What was that?""What was what?"
‘That munching noise."
"Oh, sorry, I was munching on some Doritos."
‘Burritos?"
"No Doritos."
"You have a torpedo?"
"NO, I’m munching Doritos!"
"OH, I get it. You don’t have to yell." Suddenly, there was the sound of a real twig snapping. The bears sprung form their hiding places and pounced onto the two men on the path. There was a gunshot, then silence. In the middle of a small forest in Alaska, two men lay dead with blood all around them. Kid of reminds you of

inside a blue hairy log,
Lay dead ugly bullfrog,
With blood on his chest,
And mud on his vest,
He became a delicacy for a big yellow dog.

Doesn’t it?


Mr. Perry crept through the brush of the forest. He followed bear tracks and broken twigs and since he was an expert hunter, knew exactly how to locate a bears cave. As he peeked through the branches of a large red twig bush, a large cave came into view. Inside the cave, sat a boy eating a bowl of Salmon. This Boy, is a boy you know as Jake Berry. (Even though his name is Jerry Perry)
"Yeah!! I like eating raw fish all day. I wish I could eat it at night but my pa won’t let me!" Mr. Perry watched from the bushes and glanced around the cave for any large bears that might harm him. Then, as fast as lightning, ran form the bushes and scooped Jake into his arms.
"Jake! Thank goodness you’re okay, I was so worried. Don’t’ worry, I’m going to get you away from those bears as soon as possible. Don’t you worry."
"Hey! Get away from me human, I love my bear family. I won’t go with you!"
"Oh yes you will!" Jake’s dad stuffed Jake into a cloth bag and swung him over his shoulder, he began to run back to the bushes.

Jake clawed at the burlap sack with his hands. He tried to rip it open with his nails but, alas, human nails are not made to rip burlap. Jake is not really a bear. Anyway, the Barney lover continued to struggle and even began to howl hoping to get help from his fellow bears.

Mr. Perry sprinted through the trees back towards camp. The bears would be angry once they found their child gone. He and his wife had to be out of here when that happened. Heck with the rangers and the reporter, they were not important. However, as the man ran, a large over sized grizzly bear walked into his path. The bear let out a humongous roar, and bared its teeth.
"Stay back bear!! This is my son, and I’m taking him back where he belongs. He doesn’t belong here with you filthy dirty animals. He belongs in a civilized home with civilized human beings!!" The bear ignored the man and began to advance towards Jake.
"Whoa human! Wait a minute, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, I just wanted to sell you this slice of raspberry peach pie. It’s just three medium fish per slice." The bear said. However, he said in bear language so from Mr. Perry’s point of view, all it was, was a bunch of growls.
"Stay back!!"
"You don’t want any? Well, then in that case I’ll just take my son and leave you." The bear swung its claw around and knocked Mr. Perry of his feet and onto the ground. As he lay there, the bear grabbed Jake and hustled back into the brush.
Now, as this is happening, I can predict that you are thinking ‘I wonder when the cicadas will fly once more.’ Am I right? IF I am, then you might want to pay a tad bit more attention the story and not some random thought. Anyway, as the bear walked back into eh forest, Mr. Perry took a rifle out of his backpack. He loaded a bullet and some gunpowder into is and cocked it twice.
‘That bear is gonna pay!" He said whispered quietly. Slowly and discreetly, he tiptoed after to the bear. Mr. Perry took aim, and fired a bullet. He got the bear right in the heart with his first shot.
"Get ver here Jake, We’re getting back to camp!"‘But I don’t wanna g---"
"Never mind what you wanna. You’re comin’ with me whether you like it or not!! Let’s GO" Jake’s dad said grabbing Jake and once again running through the forest. Before long, the white trailer came into view. A helicopter sat empty about 20 feet away from it.
You know what, I think I’m going to end this story now. Yes, I know it seems awkward to end it now, but I’ve decided to start on the next one. Anyway, let me fill you in on what happened. Mr. Perry ran to he trailer with Jake on his back and put Mrs. Perry onto his back along with Jake. He seemed to be rather strong. The three humans boarded the helicopter and began to take off, however, just then the reporter notices them leaving and starts firing a gun at them. Mr. Perry is forced to re-land and take her aboard. The bears steal the two trailers and use them as doorways for their caves. Jake cried for 27 hours nonstop and could’ve cried longer but he eventually ran out of liquid in his body to cry. Not to mention his body ran out of salt for the tears. His parents put him in the hospital to recover him form the dehydration, but he began to cry again. He didn’t stop crying until they gave him a life-size Barney doll. That is why he loves Barney so much. Did you know he has a bunch of Barney related stuff stashed up on Venus?

P.S. This Document was written by Nicholas Makara. The Information came from an old hunter that happened to witness these scenes.